I can't tell you the range of emotions that I went through in a matter of minutes. Most of all I had such a feeling of love flowing through me. That morning I knew something was wrong when the OB nurse told me I needed to come in as soon as possible. On that news, the first person to call was my mom. I shared my fears with her and asked her to start praying. I have a sister who is Down Syndrome and if anyone would know how I was feeling it would be my mother. Just knowing her strength and how she has got through raising (and still is) a special needs child I knew whatever the doctor would tell me, IT WOULD BE OKAY!
My good friend down here met me at the doctor's office to sit with me and help with Isabelle. Jake was in the field and wouldn't be home till late the next day.
I remember hearing the words echo in my head over and over, Spina Bifida, and I just wanted so bad to protect and to take away this 'spina bifida' from my baby. Was he or she in pain? All I could remember from what I have read, is that it's a Neurological disease and my child wouldn't walk. Again though, there was such a raw emotion of love that I had never felt before for my unborn baby and such peace.
Through out the next 48 hours God was all ready working on our side. I got a hold of my husband and he was home that evening. I was able to see a specialist that day and get many questions answered...even though at that time it wasn't really sinking in. None of it did, till I had picked up Jacob and we were sitting parked in the garage with our 2 year old asleep in her car seat...that was when it hit like a ton of breaks. How our life would change. It was heartbreaking to see my husband take in the news and not know whether or not his son or daughter would be able to run with a ball or run after him. As much as our hearts were breaking we still stayed positive. We knew God all ready had a plan for us, for our baby. I remember telling Jake that God choose us to be his or her parents! He knew we could handle this. Through my encouraging words and strength I was able to build up my husband, and he in turn would be the strong one for us in the months to come. Jacob was the one reminding and encouraging that this was all part of God's plan.
Every ultra sound I went to, Jake was there, every specialist we saw, Jake was there. My girlfriend was there taking Isabelle so we could speak with specialists and before we knew it I was packing Isabelle's and my suitcases to come home to Wisconsin where the best Neurological team would repair and help our precious baby, whom we found out shortly after the diagnosis was indeed another little girl.
As time goes on and I look at where we are at now I want to cry tears of joy. Jacob and I are so happy to be calling our selves Christians again. We are better parents, better to each other, better in general, all because of this diagnosis we were given. It caused us to re-evaluate life. There is something to be said about the way you look and choose to accept things. Or what you depend on or look to for support. We knew the only thing that would get us through this was turning to God. We were not going to be negative or bitter, but rejoice in this gift that the Lord gave us. Psalm 29:11 says 'The Lord gives strength to his people; The Lord blesses his people with peace.' That is exactly what we felt and believed, and still believe.
When she came all we could feel was an over flowing amount of peace and love. (Granted we had moments of despair and so much heartache, but with God, and support of our families we made it through and will continue to do so!)
Here we are today, a year later. A year older, a year, wiser, with two healthy daughters. I wouldn't and couldn't imagine it any other way.
Here is our gentle hearted little girl. She brings her daddy, sister, and I such joy.
There are so much good that came out of this diagnosis. Thanks to this dumpling of ours Isabelle and I spent an unforgettable summer in Wisconsin near all our family and good friends. Isabelle made so many memories and again, God held our hands through every step. (Isaiah 40:11 NIV and Exodus 33:4 KJV)The grandparents, aunts, uncles, great aunts and uncles were all able to meet Lydia, hold her, and congratulate us. We didn't experience any of that with our Isabelle. Even Jacob's grandmother Barb helped out by bringing toothpaste (which we forgot) and oatmeal cookies to the hospital when I was in labor. I am telling you folks it's the little things, the little things that seem so unimportant. The reality is that God is ever present.
A thank you again to my parents church, our families, and friends, and the others we don't even know, for their prayers and support.
Love you all!
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